Alzheimer’s Care Tip #7: Never Say, “You Can’t,” Instead, Do What They Can

Posted on May 6, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Advocate Jo Huey

This is part of an ongoing series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

In our last post, we talked about the 6th Absolute of communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s: Never say, “I told you,” instead repeat/regroup.

Today, we’ll explore the 7th Absolute: Never say, “You can’t,” instead do what they can.

No one likes to be told they can’t do something; however, for someone with Alzheimer’s, this scenario is all too familiar.

As the disease progresses, it is increasingly difficult for them to discern what they can and can’t do safely.

Alzheimer's Care Tips

What may seem rational to them could actually be detrimental to their health. Simple things like, “You can’t go outside; it’s raining,” “You can’t go to the bank; it’s midnight,” or “You can’t wear shorts; it’s freezing outside!”

Although you have their best interest at heart, it’s just another reminder to them that they are losing their independence and freedom.

As the caregiver, you’re tasked with the responsibility to search for the things that the person with Alzheimer’s can do successfully.

It’s important to focus on those activities that offer them a choice. For example, get an umbrella so you can go out in the rain with them; go to a bank with a drive-thru ATM; or pair shorts with a warm sweater so it’s more comfortable to go out in the cold, etc.

These small and easy changes will have a positive impact on your loved one’s confidence and self-esteem, resulting in a win-win for you both.

It’s also important to avoid “yes/no” questions if “no” will not be an acceptable answer.  For example, instead of asking, “Do you want to go to breakfast?” offer an invitation, “Come with me! They have the best smelling food for breakfast.”

In our next post, we’ll explore the 8th Absolute: Never command/demand, instead ask/model.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

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Alzheimer’s Care Tip #6: Never Say, “I Told You,” Instead Repeat/Regroup

Posted on April 30, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Expert Jo Huey

This is part of an ongoing series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

In our last post, we talked about the 5th Absolute of communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s: Never say, “Remember,” instead reminisce.

Today, we’ll explore the 6th Absolute: Never say, “I told you,” instead repeat/regroup.

In today’s fast-paced society, it’s easy to get so caught up in “keeping up” that we lose sight of when we’ve lost control – the moment when we are no longer dealing with a situation to the best of our ability.

These “breakdowns” are our mind’s way of telling us that we need to take a break, a vacation or, at the very least, ask for help with our workload.

Home Health Care

As a family caregiver, this “breakdown” is the moment when you find yourself losing patience with your loved one who has Alzheimer’s or dementia. Instead of reacting with compassion, you say things like, “I told you. I just told you! How many times do I have to tell you?”

This reaction is a serious “wake-up call” that you, as the caregiver, need to regroup. If you allow yourself to continue down this stressful path, you are more likely to say or do things that will further aggravate the situation. Additionally, loved one will pick up on this stress, resulting in a difficult time for you both.

The easiest way to regroup is to take at least three deep breaths and try to refocus. Something this simple can help you decompress and start the conversation fresh.

Often, because of the situation, you can’t just take some time off without some preparation, but you may also consider enlisting the services of family, friends or a professional caregiver to allow you some time to relax and rejuvenate your spirits.

Remember, as the caregiver, your first priority must be your own health and wellbeing! Without it, you won’t be able to care for your loved one to the best of your ability.

In our next post, we’ll explore the 7th Absolute: Never say, “You can’t,” instead, do what they can.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

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Alzheimer’s Care Tip #5: Never Say, “Remember,” Instead Reminisce

Posted on April 25, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Expert Jo Huey

This is part of an ongoing series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

In our last post, we talked about the 4th Absolute of communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s: Never lecture, instead reassure.

Today, we’ll explore the 5th Absolute: Never say, “remember,” instead reminisce.

As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, Alzheimer’s disease progressively impairs the parts of the brain that house short-term memories, language and logical thought.

The disease then moves on to the parts of the brain that control emotions and processing of the senses (i.e., sight, smell, touch, etc.). Eventually, the disease attacks the part of the brain that stores one’s most precious memories (e.g., wedding day, birth of a child, etc.).

Alzheimer's Dementia Care

Keeping this in mind, try to avoid asking someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia if they “remember” something or someone. Just as you wouldn’t ask a blind person if they’d just seen a new movie or read a recent book, you shouldn’t ask someone with memory impairment, “Remember when … ?”

I understand this can be a difficult habit to break, given we are so inclined to start conversations this way. Even when doctors are trying to diagnose the illness, they commonly ask Alzheimer’s patients to recall/remember things.

The problem with this is that the person with Alzheimer’s really can’t remember, even if they try. Not only is this frustrating and embarrassing for them, but it can lead to social withdrawal. It’s not uncommon for them to refuse to respond or even walk away.

Instead of asking them if they “remember,” try starting the conversation with a statement.

For example, if you’re looking through a photo album, don’t point at a photo and say, “Remember Bob and Sue’s wedding?” Instead, point to the photo and say, “This looks like it was taken at Bob and Sue’s wedding.”

This way, you’re not putting them on the spot. If they remember, great! They will feel a part of the conversation and enjoy reminiscing with you. If not, they can simply enjoy looking through the photos with you as you tell them the story of Bob and Sue’s wedding day.

In our next post, we’ll explore the 6th Absolute: Never say, “I told you,” instead repeat/regroup.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

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Alzheimer’s Care Tip #4: Never Lecture, Instead Reassure

Posted on April 11, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Advocate Jo Huey

This is part of an ongoing series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

In our last post, we talked about the 3rd Absolute of communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s: Never shame, instead distract.

Today, we’ll explore the 4th Absolute: Never lecture, instead reassure.

We’ve all had days when it seems the world is working against us. First, you oversleep. Then, you spill coffee on yourself. By this point, you’re so flustered that you can’t remember where you put your keys.

The last thing you want is for someone to lecture you on how you should’ve gotten to bed earlier and should always put your keys in the same place.

Alzheimer's Dementia Care

Imagine how much better if would feel if someone just smiled and reassured you, “I did the same thing just yesterday! I’m so glad we’re able to laugh at ourselves! This will be our little secret.”

When someone has Alzheimer’s, it can be difficult for them to remember what to do in certain situations, even if you provide simple instructions.

Let’s say you drive them to the doctor’s office and drop them off at the front door while you find a parking spot. Even if you tell them to, “Stay right here,” they may wander off in the few minutes it takes you to park the car – not because they’re purposing disobeying you, but because they simply can’t recall the instructions you just gave them.

Not only is it frustrating and scary for you, but it’s also frustrating and scary for them. Imagine how confused they must feel not knowing why they’re standing outside of an unfamiliar building.

As a caregiver, your first instinct is probably to lecture them about how worried you were, but keep in mind, this will only aggravate the situation. Due to the disease destroying the part of the brain that houses short-term memory and logical thought, they really don’t remember what you told them or why they’re there.

Instead, offer reassurance. Next time, plan better so you don’t have to leave them alone, even for a few minutes.

In our next post, we’ll explore the 5th Absolute: Never say “remember,” instead reminisce.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

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Alzheimer’s Care Tip #3: Never Shame, Instead Distract

Posted on April 9, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Advocate Jo Huey

This is part of an ongoing series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

In our last post, we explored the 2nd Absolute of communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s: Never reason, instead divert.

Today, we’ll explore the 3rd Absolute: Never shame, instead distract.

If I hadn’t already copyrighted these Ten Absolutes, I would change the word “shame” to “embarrass.” The meaning is essentially the same, but the term seems better.

We’ve all had “Duh!” moments, when we were truly embarrassed, perhaps even ashamed, of something we said or did. Imagine how much worse this would be if it were witnessed and pointed out to everyone around. How would you feel?

Alzheimer's Dementia Care

When caring for someone with Alzheimer’s or dementia, it’s important to remember that the parts of their brain that control short-term memories, language and logical thinking have been impaired. They most likely don’t realize what they’re saying or doing could be viewed as inappropriate.

For example, if you run into a friend at a restaurant, and the person with Alzheimer’s takes a sip of their water, avoid accusing them of doing something wrong.

Keep in mind that the person with Alzheimer’s may not remember drinking the water just seconds ago. Even if they do remember, they may not be aware it was someone else’s. They were thirsty, and the water was there. In their mind, it seemed appropriate to take a sip to quench their thirst.

A kinder approach would be to change the subject as quickly as possible. Ask if you can pull up a chair, and hand the water to the person with Alzheimer’s. Motion to the waiter and ask for two fresh waters (one “replacement” and the other for yourself).

If there isn’t time, just tell your friend, “I’ll catch up with you later.” Move along without mentioning the water, and even suggest to the person with Alzheimer’s that you stop for ice cream on the way home.

If your friend wasn’t already aware of your loved one’s situation, call them later to “catch up” and use the water incident to segue into a conversation about the challenges you’ve been facing.

In our next post, we’ll explore the 4th Absolute: Never lecture, instead reassure.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

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Alzheimer’s Care Tip #2: Never Reason, Instead Divert

Posted on April 5, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Care

This is part of an ongoing series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

 

In our last post, we explored the 1st Absolute of communicating with someone who has Alzheimer’s: Never argue, instead agree.

Today, we’ll explore the 2nd Absolute: Never reason, instead divert.

As a caregiver, it’s important to remember the disease progressively attacks different parts of the brain that control:

  1. Short-term memories (i.e., difficulty remembering things from a few hours or days ago)
  2. Language (i.e., difficulty finding the right word)
  3. Logical thought (i.e., problem-solving, grasping concepts, making plans)

Alzheimer's Care

What you and I consider “mindless” routine tasks (e.g., eating, bathing, dressing), may be difficult concepts to grasp for someone with Alzheimer’s. They lack the ability to understand the significance of completing these daily tasks in a timely manner.

Trying to reason with them is a futile effort because the part of their brain that controls logical thinking has been hindered. It also seems to imply, “I am right, and you are wrong.”

A much better approach is to change the subject to an agreeable topic.

For example, if you’re trying to get the person to eat breakfast, say something like: “The sunrise was spectacular this morning! It was so relaxing to sit back and watch it while I enjoyed my morning coffee. Speaking of which, I think I’ll get some more. Would you like some coffee or something to eat?”

This is a great way to “guide” someone into eating breakfast, rather than demanding they do so.  I’ll save the bathing for another absolute, but keep it in mind.

In our next post, we’ll explore the 3rd Absolute: Never shame, instead distract.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

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Top 10 Tips for Communicating through Alzheimer’s

Posted on April 2, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Expert Jo Huey

This is part of an ongoing series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

If you or a loved one is suffering from Alzheimer’s, you know firsthand that communicating can be extremely challenging and wearing. Similar to caring for a child, it requires patience and understanding on the part of the caregiver.

The difference is that a child is still growing and learning new things, while someone with Alzheimer’s is progressively regressing.

Over the coming weeks, we’ll delve into the “Ten Absolutes” of communicating through Alzheimer’s to help improve these relationships.

Today’s Tip: #1: Never Argue, Instead Agree

Jo Huey's Ten Absolutes of Alzheimer's Care

Especially in the early stages of Alzheimer’s or dementia, caregivers often report their loved ones become very argumentative. Many describe a situation in which their loved one “says things that are inaccurate, then becomes very defensive/angry when someone tries to correct or clarify the inaccuracy.”

In these types of situations, it’s important to remember the person with Alzheimer’s is experiencing a progressive cognitive decline beginning with short-term memory loss. In their minds, what they’re saying is what they know to be true.

Below are two common scenarios in which the “never argue, instead agree” tool makes for more positive interactions:

  1. The person with Alzheimer’s is looking for someone who has died: Depending on one’s stage of Alzheimer’s, they could be 95 years old and searching for their “Momma” who passed away decades ago. Instead of telling them the person is dead, tell them, “I haven’t seen them today.” It’s the truth, and you avoid telling them the person for whom they are searching is dead. Remember, in their mind (due to memory loss) this might be the first time they have heard this devastating news.
  2. The person with Alzheimer’s says, “I want to go home.” It is believed they are truly looking for a better place in time, and “home” describes such a place in one’s heart. Instead of saying, “This is your home,” try saying, “So do I.” This provides an opportunity for both of you to approach something together rather than being in a state of disagreement.

In our next post, we’ll explore the 2nd Absolute: Never reason, instead divert.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

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When Should Family Caregivers Seek Medical Advice?

Posted on March 14, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Advocate Jo Huey

This is the second in a series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

Did you know nearly one-third of the U.S. population (65.7 million caregivers) is caring for someone who is ill, disabled or elderly?¹  Of those 65.7 million caregivers, 23% are caring for someone with Alzheimer’s disease or another dementia.²

Last week, we talked about how to tell a “senior moment” from Alzheimer’s or dementia. This week, we’ll take it one step further. When is it time to seek professional help? The moment you notice something isn’t right!

Too often, feelings of fear and guilt prevent us from seeking medical advice. The truth is denial can do more harm than good in the long run.

Early Detection is Critical

There are several reasons why early detection of Alzheimer’s or a related disorder is critical:

Alzheimer's Early Detection

  • Financial planning: Everyone plans for death, but most people are reluctant to plan for the alternative to death; being alive and needing assistance. The first and most important step is to get your loved one’s legal and financial affairs in order to ensure they’re covered by the proper insurance, etc.
  • Identification: In order to solve a problem you must first identify the root cause through a diagnostic workup. It could be that the change you’ve noticed in your loved one is simply due to thyroid trouble or a drug interaction, both of which are easy to fix. In the event it’s something more serious, such as Alzheimer’s, you’ll need to plan how to manage the disease process in a way that protects both you and your loved one.
  • Focus for the person diagnosed: Focus on “what they can do” (i.e., abilities) rather than “what they can’t do” (i.e., disabilities).
  • Caregiver’s focus: Focus on “what you can do to assist” without sacrificing your own health and wellness. Despite the best of intentions, you cannot, nor should you try, to do everything for your loved one. Your greatest responsibility is to take care of yourself so you can advocate for your loved one. Overextending yourself will only exhaust you, which does no good for either party.

So, I repeat, “get help” as early as possible and be ready and willing to accept that help. It is the wisest decision for everyone involved.

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

¹  National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, Caregiving in the U.S. Bethesda, MD: National Alliance for Caregiving, and Washington, DC: AARP, 2009.
²  Alzheimer’s Association, 2011 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures, Alzheimer’s & Dementia, Volume 7, Issue 2.

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How to Tell a “Senior Moment” from Alzheimer’s or Dementia

Posted on March 7, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Alzheimer's Advocate Jo Huey

This is the first in a series of guest blogs written by Jo Huey, the Alzheimer’s Advocate®, founder of the Alzheimer’s Caregiver Institute.

According to a recent study, Alzheimer’s is the second most-feared disease in the U.S., next to cancer. Despite this fear, only 61% of Americans surveyed were aware that Alzheimer’s is an irreversible and fatal illness.

Experts stress the importance of early detection, but sometimes it can be difficult to tell the difference between a “senior moment” and something more serious.

It’s not uncommon to immediately grow concerned when you or a loved one forgets someone’s name, where you left your keys or where you parked the car. The first thought that pops in your head is, “I hope it isn’t Alzheimer’s.”

The good news is, the very fact you know you’ve forgotten should put your mind at ease. If you had the symptoms of dementia that are serious enough to cause concern, you would probably be less aware that you had forgotten.

Early Detection Alzheimer's Disease

There are several things to think about when you experience a “senior moment”:

  • Are you stressed?
  • Are you trying to do too many things at once?
  • How often are these things really happening?

If you are not stressed or overworked, you may consider jotting down how often this is happening to see if there’s a pattern. This may indicate something more serious.

A word of caution, stressing about having something fearfully wrong can place a focus on those symptoms, amplifying them. Documenting them can actually provide a more objective perspective.

Next to each documented “senior moment,” write down what you were doing at the time. This may help reveal the cause of the symptoms is something other than a disease process.

It is also important for you to think through your life pattern. Is this a real change for you, or have you always been distracted or forgetful? If the latter is the case, there is even less reason to be concerned.

If these “senior moments” are truly new and different, you will want to be able to explain why and have some examples to discuss with your physician. Although there is no known cure for Alzheimer’s, education and early detection are critical to receiving the best help possible.

Additional resources:

The views expressed are those of the author and do not necessarily represent the views of H.H. Franchising Systems, Inc.

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Six Warning Signs of Financial Elder Abuse

Posted on February 26, 2013 by Emma Dickison

 

Financial Elder Abuse Awareness

Elder abuse can manifest itself in many forms, but perhaps the most difficult to detect is that of financial exploitation.

While the nightly news may bring to light the most recent “scam” to hit a community, this form of abuse often happens behind closed doors between the victim and someone considered trustworthy and dependable, whether family or professional.

As the demand for in home care continues to grow as our population ages, it is imperative that you do your research when hiring professional help. Follow up with loved ones regularly, and maintain open lines of communication with their professional caretaker.

Often, the victim believes the abuser has his or her best interests at heart, and is without the mental faculties to distinguish right from wrong. The victim may be unaware of any wrongdoing. In many cases, they have been misled to give up access to personal financial information, including credit cards, bank accounts, and even Power of Attorney status.

In some cases, the offender will call, email or send a letter pretending to be a legitimate professional or even family member to try to convince the senior to give them money or share personal financial information.

It has been suggested that for every report of abuse, five incidents go unreported. That is why it is so important to know the signs of financial exploitation:

  1. Significant withdrawals from bank accounts
  2. Items or cash missing from home
  3. Changes in wills, titles, etc.
  4. Forging of the elder’s signature
  5. Unnecessary services, goods or subscriptions
  6. Financial activity that could not have been done by the elder, such as ATM withdrawals when the account holder is bedridden

Suspected abuse of any kind should be reported immediately. The reporting agencies in each state are different, but every state has a service designated to receive and investigate allegations of elder abuse and neglect. Even if these agencies determine that there is no abuse, only the potential for abuse, they will make referrals for counseling. There are several resources available:

 

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